I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize