Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
