I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
