remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
