This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
