omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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