Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
