Yo dont text me then not text me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
