I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I want is dick and wine.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
