Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
