did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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