Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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