I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
