I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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