i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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