I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
