She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
