glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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