Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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