shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
