can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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