You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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