So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
