Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

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  (214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (1-214): oh fuck your right http://tfl.nu/6rmf
  Replies (21) Good night (4389) Bad night (800)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (894) Bad night (3913)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

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  (206): he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gr4l
  Replies (39) Good night (824) Bad night (4989)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"

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  (337): Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop" http://tfl.nu/felz
  Replies (19) Good night (5050) Bad night (2408)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.

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  (845): I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says. http://tfl.nu/83ho
  Replies (36) Good night (4284) Bad night (704)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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  (301): It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form http://tfl.nu/mrkk
  Replies (6) Good night (4449) Bad night (1029)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.

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  (973): as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage. http://tfl.nu/z7ah
  Replies (10) Good night (632) Bad night (2798)
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  (650): View more from California

  Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp

  (1-650): View more from California

  i loe djcudia fjxos rue.

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  (650): Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp (1-650): i loe djcudia fjxos rue. http://tfl.nu/pfpy
  Replies (15) Good night (2751) Bad night (1100)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.

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  (719): That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive. http://tfl.nu/zac0
  Replies (8) Good night (1386) Bad night (622)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

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  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
  Replies (12) Good night (2745) Bad night (513)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!

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  (203): Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best! http://tfl.nu/yqk0
  Replies (3) Good night (1032) Bad night (438)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?

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  (304): How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service? http://tfl.nu/aku2
  Replies (5) Good night (788) Bad night (355)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"

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  (918): Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for" http://tfl.nu/pln7
  Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (349)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks

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  (321): I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks http://tfl.nu/2gnj
  Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (278)
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  (562): View more from California

  Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!

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  (562): Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home! http://tfl.nu/3ska
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (179)

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