I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish you could order shots online.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning