Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Get your hand out of your ass!

(734): View more from Michigan

how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?

(650): View more from California

In your belly button

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(650): Get your hand out of your ass! (734): how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..? (650): In your belly button http://tfl.nu/hvbh

Replies (3) Good night (1218) Bad night (1417)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

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(502): battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever. http://tfl.nu/blg1

Replies (4) Good night (3995) Bad night (881)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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(410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm

Replies (13) Good night (4953) Bad night (1001)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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(774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r

Replies (3) Good night (4435) Bad night (980)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

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(920): You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby". http://tfl.nu/mh0h

Replies (2) Good night (1196) Bad night (2176)
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(660): View more from Missouri

There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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(660): There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK http://tfl.nu/9rna

Replies (10) Good night (1455) Bad night (3066)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

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(313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf

Replies (13) Good night (3253) Bad night (1330)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.

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(828): YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN. http://tfl.nu/nkzr

Replies (2) Good night (1964) Bad night (1214)
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(954): View more from Florida

I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday

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(954): I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday http://tfl.nu/q72i

Replies (10) Good night (1802) Bad night (689)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.

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(215): I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names. http://tfl.nu/kef5

Replies (7) Good night (1873) Bad night (674)
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(303): View more from Colorado

So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher

(312): View more from Illinois

And maybe a life coach?

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(303): So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher (312): And maybe a life coach? http://tfl.nu/dluc

Replies (2) Good night (2235) Bad night (754)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?

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(248): Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship? http://tfl.nu/tepw

Replies (11) Good night (2403) Bad night (841)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.

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(202): I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party. http://tfl.nu/j3cs

Replies (15) Good night (734) Bad night (1441)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life

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(402): Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room (1-402): I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life http://tfl.nu/wz9a

Replies (7) Good night (763) Bad night (364)
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(207): View more from Maine

So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.

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(207): So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station. http://tfl.nu/zmfk

Replies (3) Good night (205) Bad night (353)

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