i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.