i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.