is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina