You made me cry and you don't even care
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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