I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize