She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
