I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night