he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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