His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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