I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sext me about skeletons
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
