I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
