i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
