I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
