she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
