Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
