just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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