im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
