Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
