i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
