I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize