We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
