She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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