I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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