Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
