and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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