I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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