$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
