You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
