I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
