Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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