I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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