so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
