I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I stole a fireplace last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
