we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
