oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
