I heard we made out
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
