Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
