So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
