He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
