I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
