I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
