i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
