Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
