I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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