it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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