It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
