the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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