I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
