remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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