I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
