Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
