He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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