it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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