I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
