shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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