apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
