what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
