either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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