Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
