I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
