Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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