therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
