R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
